Trump – For A Few Pictures (of Me) More
Who Am I? I’m the guy you hear me saying “Your Fired.” You rarely hear me say “Your Hired.” My favorite pastime is praising myself and flaunting my billions. Hey, I am not to blame because I am worth billions.
I love finding weaknesses in people, whether true or false, and exploiting those deficiencies so I can bully them around. All to my benefit. When challenged, I fight back with gibberish remarks that confuse my attackers or I just chicken out and hide behind some self-gratifying and nonsensical excuse.
Some say I am a sexist. How can that be? I cherish women! Even been married three times. It’s silly to think, as some say, I have a history of sexual assaults, I cherish women! How untrue it is that one of my ex-wife’s used “rape” to describe an incident between us. There was no rape. she only felt “violated” by the experience. See, I cherish women!
To show how much I cherish women, the other day I announced that I will no longer “call Megyn Kelly of Fox News a bimbo, because that would not be politically correct. Instead I will only call her a lightweight reporter!” Even though a few years back, I praised her for debate moderating. ‘Great Job,’ ‘I Could Never Beat You,’ I said, Hey, we are all allowed to change one’s mind. Especially when you are on the short side of the stick.
In business, winning is the only option. It’s untrue that I am the “King of Bankruptcies filings that destroyed many lives along the way!” I see myself as a modern day Robin Hood with a slight twist. I take from the banks and bondholders and give to the rich – myself that is. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do?
To set the record straight, I’m the greatest chairman and president The Trump Organization ever had and to my credit we now have Trump Entertainment Resorts, a gaming and hospitality where you come enjoy yourself spending and losing your money. Ture, I am always looking for a new venture to name Trump. I also amassed a net worth of $3.3 billion from licensing my name and image. Could you do that?
I just don’t get it why the have nots make such a big deal over my ownership of casinos. If gambling is such a bad thing, why did Evangelical leader Jerry Falwell Jr. give me an endorsement? Jerry endorsed me knowing that smoking and drinking go hand-in-hand with gambling. This will make me a greater president. A president plays high-stakes everyday with the economy and the lives of its citizens. Did you know, Warren G. Harding once lost all the White House china gambling, on one hand of cards.
To show my modesty, I sold Trump Shuttle airline and my 282-foot megayacht, the Trump Princess. It’s foolish to think this had anything to do with the financial stress on the airlines or my personal finances.
I am a fighter, as you well know, I even battled the Justice Department on violations of the Fair Housing Act. They came after me only because my company is large and an easy target. In the end, I had the last laugh when it was ruled the Trump organization did not have to “accept persons on welfare as tenants unless they qualified as any other tenant.” I love everybody and always offer a warm welcome to welfare recipients, especially when they visit my casino. Sure some lose their money. Who am I to stop them from doing what they want to do. Their money is federal dollars anyway. What did they do to earn it anyway?
Speaking of fighting, unfortunately I did not fight in the Vietnam War because of a high draft number, 2-S student deferment and 1-Y medical deferment which was later converted to 4-F. I do love my country. That’s why I am running for the Presidency of our beloved United States. I will do a great job.
Do you know, I love American sports too? I purchased the New Jersey Generals for the inaugural season of the United States Football League. The USFL played during the spring and summer while the NFL was in their off-season. Some stupid people falsely claim it was my strategy that led to the demise of league after playing only three seasons. After all, it was Louisiana, businessman David Dixon’s idea to create the USFL, not me! The real reason for the leagues financial problems and franchise instability was as I once said “If God wanted football in the spring, he wouldn’t have created baseball.”
I am also a fan World Wrestling Entertainment. Do you recall my appearance at WrestleMania 23 in a match called “The Battle of the Billionaires”?
It’s true I am great, beloved and talented. Why else would I be invited to become a member of the Screen Actors Guild for which I receive a paltry pension around $110,000 every year. They even made an on-line documentary – What’s the Deal – about my trumpeted life in the 1980s and 1990s.
So what are my credentials to become the next President of the United States? I give you my solemn oath I will do whatever is in my power to show that all men are “not” created equal, that they are “not” endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights ….. Not sure these are credential, but what does that matter. You will vote for me anyway.
The greatest trick in my campaign is convincing Americans I am sane, anchored in reality, a successful leader and there for the general welfare of the people. Now tell me I’m not Presidential material!