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A Holiday Poem

December 22, 2010

Twas the night before year end, when all through the house
Not a subsidy was stirring, not even a Grant!
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that an investor soon would be there.

The developers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of profits danced in their heads.
And the CEO in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our cash for a long winter’s crash.

When there in my email there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to my spreadsheets I flew like a flash,
Tore open the capex and threw up the expenses.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen rivals
Gave the lustre of doom to my projects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an energy advisor, and eight tinny analyst.

With a little old expert, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it wasn’t Buffet.
More rapid than eagles his brokers they came,
And he structured, arranged, and called them by name!

“Now Equity! now, Debt! now, Loan and Leverage!
On, Costs! On, Stock!  on Losses and Manage!
To the top of the market! to the top of the wall street!
Now cash away! Cash away! Cash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to investors the advisors they flew,
With the sleigh full of cash, and the CEO too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little iPad.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the advisor came with a bound.

He was dressed in a suit, from his head to his foot,
And my project looked good, all to my surprise.
A bundle of funds he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a giant, just waiting to bank.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little pen was fast as an arrow,
And he optimized, all the way down to the marrow.

The Blackberry he held tight in his hands,
And the smoke it spewed circled his head like a band.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old dealer,
And I laughed when I saw him, and my chances were clearer!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his limo, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy funding to all, and to all a good-night!”

Happy Holidays

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